Lauzen Vs. Oberweis In IL-14 GOP Primary Match - Cartoonish As WWF?

WWF Match up:

State Senator Chris “CPA” Lauzen, CPA

Vs.

Businessman Jim “Milk Man” Oberweis

Chris Lauzen [shouting to ref]: “The Oberweis-[Bill] Pascoe tandem loaded up a quiver full of poison-tipped arrows and has been firing them right at me.”

[Lauzen campaign manager Kevin Reger, ring side, yells for Chris to “duck.” The ref starts counting to get Campaign Manager Pascoe and his arrows out of the ring - and to get Pascoe to stop shooting. Meanwhile Lauzen grapples with Oberweis. Suddenly Denny Wiggins jumps into the ring and starts pummeling Jim Oberweis with Chris Lauzen joining in.]

Bill Pascoe [ringside to ref]: “Denny Wiggins should immediately step down” [Pascoe motions angrily at Wiggins]. “The Republican voters of Kane County [deserve] a free and fair [match].”

[Wiggins “steps down” - for now.]

Jim Oberweis [gouging Lauzen’s eyes]: “Chris…you can’t see.”

[Oberweis “[body] slams Lauzen” and “[launches] a blistering attack.” Oberweis catches Lauzen in a reverse jaw lock.]

Chris Lauzen [pained, throws off Oberweis and gets up]: “My opponent…is cruel.”

[Lauzen supporters in crowd bring out pictures of Oberweis cows - dead, distracting Oberweis, as Lauzen “[tries] to get in his own licks.”]

Bill Pascow [to ref]: “[This is] a desperate attempt to distract attention.”

[Lauzen “[attacks] Oberweis…mercilessly.” The referee calls the match a draw as things get out of control because of “Reagan” rule violations by Lauzen and Oberweis.]

Expect a rematch - perhaps as early as tomorrow!

Post a Comment

Your email is never published nor shared. Required fields are marked *